Showing off and big gestures are fine as long as you're still you by the end of it. Before I knew who she really was, I was trying to do everything in my power to get her attention and to work up the guts to actually talk to her. Once I broke down that particular wall it was a little easier and I could ease up, but I won't lie.
It's terrifying.
Just... try not to get too carried away or it could backfire. Almost did with me.
i can't picture you being too nervous to talk to anyone...
oh man, i don't know if i'm ready for this story. i've been wondering about this for years, but now it sounds like it's gonna give me secondhand embarrassment
It took me awhile to understand that I was free to say whatever I wanted. To do whatever I wanted without fear of having a boot on my back with a gun trained on me. The man I was back then... He was afraid of a lot of things. Constantly worried. Angry. Reckless. A wild animal that had his chains broken after a lifetime of imprisonment and had no idea where his place was in the world.
( there's a big ol ink blot where law sits there with his pen, not knowing what to say to that. it's a pretty familiar sentiment, one he keeps being constantly reminded of by things like alphen regurgitating zephyr's words every chance he gets or that letter he got outside of ulzebek. but actually hearing it was just the same for zephyr is... hard. )
sorry
( is all he can eventually come up with. )
i don't know really. i'm not sure what my expectations were. i just remember how the two of you were and i guess i figured it was always like that. you always seemed to know exactly what to do and say and you always looked so awesome to me. and everybody idolized you. so of course it'd be easy to be that charming i guess. and mom really
( fuck )
really loved you anyone could tell by the way she looked at you. even me
You don't have to apologize for anything. I just don't talk about it that much. It's not exactly a dinner conversation, you know?
[ and there was no way in hell that he was going to talk about that sort of thing when law was just a little kid. knowing the dangers is one thing, but hearing everything that zephyr himself went through? nope. he wasn't going to put those thoughts in his child's head and give him more reasons to worry whenever he'd go out. ]
You gotta remember something too, Law. You knew...
You knew me-me. The real Zephyr, not the one that was heading a rebellion. You knew a father and a husband who would move the skies and earth itself for the people he loved s when we first met though it was... geez I can feel the secondhand embarrassment hitting me just thinking about it.
( clearly he's missing quite a lot of information here. and of course he's getting all dramatic about it, because he's having a Bad Time and now it's his birthday and this shit is still raw and difficult to talk about, even in writing. maybe some secondhand embarrassment will do them some good. )
You knew me at my best, I think. But if you want to know about my childhood... All you have to do is ask. You're old enough to hear it.
[ even if going over it isn't easy, he meant it when he said he wanted to be better. no more secrets, no more hiding. it meant letting people in rather than shutting them out like he had years ago, and if one of those people happened to be law? then that's all there was to it. ]
Anyway, it's uh. I thought I'd try to win her attention by showing off. Try and get her to say something first, you know?
( add it to the insane laundry list of Shit They Need To Talk About. today his birthday gift is finding out how embarrassing his dad is/was. ...is still tbh. )
so now i'm about to find out why you told me not to show off...... what did you do dad??
[ he starts to write, only to scratch whatever it was out. writes again, another scratch out. third time? same thing. finally he gives up and leaves it simple- ]
Maybe sixteen? I didn't have anyone to teach me. Most of what I taught you, I had to figure out on my own.
And... your mother taught me a few things too. Mostly how to focus. When I said I was reckless, I meant it - I was all over the place like Grenar is. Ready to fight at the drop of a hat and almost no concept of chilling out.
Her friends did. My own mentor cuffed me upside the head and she dragged me off to our only doctor while calling me "the stupidest man she'd ever met."
no, it's ok it's pretty funny. and i guess in a way it makes sense mom always was the brains in the house. even though you were a total dork, she still fell for you anyway
that doesn't help ME any but hey
( ayyy lmao no he's just screwed no matter what really )
i mean i guess you grew into that eventually too because i know you were always making mom giggle and she wasn't exactly the giggly type but i don't have any you know i mean there's nothing SPECIFIC... it just seems like i can't even look at a girl without getting in trouble and i have no idea how to get people to notice me but i am not about to punch a rock to make that happen
no subject
Date: 2021-12-11 09:21 pm (UTC)It's terrifying.
Just... try not to get too carried away or it could backfire. Almost did with me.
no subject
Date: 2021-12-11 09:24 pm (UTC)oh man, i don't know if i'm ready for this story. i've been wondering about this for years, but now it sounds like it's gonna give me secondhand embarrassment
no subject
Date: 2021-12-11 09:42 pm (UTC)How do you think it went?
no subject
Date: 2021-12-11 09:57 pm (UTC)sorry
( is all he can eventually come up with. )
i don't know really. i'm not sure what my expectations were. i just remember how the two of you were and i guess i figured it was always like that.
you always seemed to know exactly what to do and say and you always looked so awesome to me. and everybody idolized you. so of course it'd be easy to be that
charming i guess.
and mom really
( fuck )
really loved you
anyone could tell by the way she looked at you. even me
( FUCK )
so
yeah
no subject
Date: 2021-12-11 10:34 pm (UTC)don't talk about it that much. It's not exactly a dinner conversation, you know?
[ and there was no way in hell that he was going to talk about that sort of thing when law was just a little kid. knowing the dangers is one thing, but hearing everything that zephyr himself went through? nope. he wasn't going to put those thoughts in his child's head and give him more reasons to worry whenever he'd go out. ]
You gotta remember something too, Law. You knew...
You knew me-me. The real Zephyr, not the one that was heading a rebellion. You knew a father and a husband who would move the skies and earth itself for the people he love
dswhen we first met though it was... geez
I can feel the secondhand embarrassment hitting me just thinking about it.
no subject
Date: 2021-12-11 10:38 pm (UTC)( clearly he's missing quite a lot of information here. and of course he's getting all dramatic about it, because he's having a Bad Time and now it's his birthday and this shit is still raw and difficult to talk about, even in writing. maybe some secondhand embarrassment will do them some good. )
ok, i give. i have to know now. what happened?
no subject
Date: 2021-12-11 11:14 pm (UTC)[ even if going over it isn't easy, he meant it when he said he wanted to be better. no more secrets, no more hiding. it meant letting people in rather than shutting them out like he had years ago, and if one of those people happened to be law? then that's all there was to it. ]
Anyway, it's uh.
I thought I'd try to win her attention by showing off. Try and get her to say something first, you know?
no subject
Date: 2021-12-11 11:18 pm (UTC)( add it to the insane laundry list of Shit They Need To Talk About. today his birthday gift is finding out how embarrassing his dad is/was. ...is still tbh. )
so now i'm about to find out why you told me not to show off......
what did you do dad??
no subject
Date: 2021-12-11 11:21 pm (UTC)[ he starts to write, only to scratch whatever it was out. writes again, another scratch out. third time? same thing. finally he gives up and leaves it simple- ]
nearly shattered my hand.
no subject
Date: 2021-12-11 11:28 pm (UTC)how
no subject
Date: 2021-12-11 11:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-11 11:37 pm (UTC)oh no. dad. no
no subject
Date: 2021-12-11 11:40 pm (UTC)let's just say it wasn't even developed back then
no subject
Date: 2021-12-11 11:49 pm (UTC)what were you even trying to break!??!
no subject
Date: 2021-12-12 02:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-12-12 02:21 am (UTC)A BOULDER?
how old were you?!
( he says "a bolder" like it's fucking styrofoam or something )
no subject
Date: 2021-12-12 04:29 am (UTC)And... your mother taught me a few things too. Mostly how to focus. When I said I was reckless, I meant it - I was all over the place like Grenar is. Ready to fight at the drop of a hat and almost no concept of chilling out.
no subject
Date: 2021-12-12 04:40 am (UTC)so you... smashed your hand on a boulder trying to do a technique you didn't know how to do... and she laughed at you didn't she
no subject
Date: 2021-12-12 04:46 am (UTC)[ THE JOKE WAS ON HER SHE MARRIED THAT MAN!!!! ]
no subject
Date: 2021-12-12 04:58 am (UTC)i
don't even know what to say
no subject
Date: 2021-12-12 05:16 am (UTC)sorry?
[ does he apologize for that?????? ]
no subject
Date: 2021-12-12 05:21 am (UTC)it's pretty funny. and i guess in a way it makes sense
mom always was the brains in the house. even though you were a total dork, she still fell for you anyway
that doesn't help ME any but hey
( ayyy lmao no he's just screwed no matter what really )
no subject
Date: 2021-12-12 05:29 am (UTC)[ that arrow? RIGHT into his heart. ]
i may not be the romantic you thought but
try me
see if we can't figure it out
no subject
Date: 2021-12-12 05:40 am (UTC)i mean i guess you grew into that eventually too because i know you were always making mom giggle and she wasn't exactly the giggly type
but i don't have any
you know
i mean there's nothing SPECIFIC...
it just seems like i can't even look at a girl without getting in trouble and i have no idea how to get people to notice me but i am not about to punch a rock to make that happen
no subject
Date: 2021-12-12 05:55 am (UTC)Alright even I didn't get myself in trouble by looking at someone. How much trouble are we talking here? Gimme an example or two.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: